When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
