drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize