i don't like sucking hair
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
