Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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