just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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