My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
