I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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