dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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