turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
