fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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