How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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