So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
