Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
