i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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