I'm really into asian looking animals
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
