I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
