ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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