Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
