Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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