my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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