Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i think i just lost a toe
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
