hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
