On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
