I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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