I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
