she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
