I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
