All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
