Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
