he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sext me about skeletons
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
