don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
