Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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