peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize