is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You ruined the universe
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
