My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
