see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
