Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
