dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sobbing to NWA
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
