you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
being pregnant is like rehab
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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