She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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