i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
