so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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