I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
