Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize