You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
