morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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