For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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