turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
