Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
