During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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