It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We have started to decorate penises.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
