Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
