i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
