Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
