He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
