There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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