Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
