dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
