imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize