Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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