last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
