loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
