all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
