you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
