Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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