the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I checked into jail on foursquare
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
