In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
