lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
