i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
