I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize