I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
