wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
