This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
