i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
